


dearest Moony,

by ohtobeaqueensellingdreams



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:55:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29871543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohtobeaqueensellingdreams/pseuds/ohtobeaqueensellingdreams
Summary: The war is over, and Lily, Moony, Padfoot and Prongs are alive. They are safe. They are breathing. They are on the winning side in the fight against the Dark Lord. But have they really won anything?This is what Lily Evans Potter wonders, as she writes the first two words of a long series of letters with shaking hands.Dearest Moony...(A series of letters Remus Lupin recieves in the years following the war. The happy ending Jily and Wolfstar deserved.)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	1. Quiet

_02/11/81_

_Dearest Moony,_

_My hands are still shaking as I write this. I expect the relief will kick in soon, once it becomes more apparent that this dreadful war is finally over. We won, all is well, and yet I still check the protection spells on our house every morning and night. I still find myself waking up just to listen to James breathing, or going in to check on Harry even when he isn’t crying._

_Everything is so peaceful, but it’s so still. I think that’s what’s agitating me. As a wizard, I’ve never known anything but Hogwarts and war, so I’m not used to everything being so quiet. James has been trying to make me feel better. He’s been playing music and making Harry laugh just to try and fill the silence. Padfoot arrived last night, bringing a sense of normality._

_It’s strange to think nothing will ever be truly normal again, isn’t it? I still cry about Marlene. It hurts to think about her. I still find myself forgetting that she’s gone. I spoke about her in present tense the other day. I sobbed right there, in the middle of the kitchen._

_James is upset too, and not just over the McKinnons. We’re both still in disbelief over Wormtail. I don’t know how to word it. The feeling of betrayal is not an easy one to describe. He was here less than a month ago. He seemed so on edge. I thought it was because of Marlene. I tried to_ comfort _him about the death of our best friend, while he was selling our secrets to Voldemort. When I cry about him, it doesn’t feel like sadness, just anger. It’s frustrating, thinking you know someone and finding out you’ve been so wrong all along._

_James is angry too. It was scary, Remus, watching him fall apart like that. It wasn’t James. James doesn’t punch walls and smash things. James is kind and funny and loving. He loves his family. He loves his friends. His friends bring out the best in him, but now Peter has brought out the worst._

_We both know we could have been killed, but I don’t think either of us were worried about that. It’s Harry we’re shaken up about. He could have been killed. He could have been killed because of one of our closest friends. Wormtail helped name Harry. Wormtail has held Harry, and I couldn’t see that our trust in him was misplaced until it was too late._

_What kind of a mother does that make me? We’ve been so careful with this whole thing. I haven’t seen my sister in ages, Mary either. I don’t even remember the last time I saw Marlene, and now she’s dead. We were_ so _cautious. The only visitors we’ve had are the rest of the marauders and Bathilda from next door, and it still wasn’t enough to keep my son out of harms way._

_I can’t think about what would have happened had Moody and Dumbledore not arrived on time that night. We didn’t even know Voldemort was nearby until the Ministry were outside telling us Moody had killed him. James and I had been in the nursery with Harry. We hadn’t even had our wands, Moony. None of us would have survived._

_I rang my sister after it happened. Our relationship hasn’t been perfect in years, but I’m determined to mend it. I don’t want to leave this world with any regrets._

_I must finish this letter here. Harry is downstairs with Sirius and James. Both of them are talking away to him, and by that I mean they’re trying to get Harry to say Padfoot. Harry got his first word only days ago, and he’s already mastered three. He says mama, dada, and, most confidently of all, Moony._

_Padfoot is fuming, of course. He thinks that seeing as he is Harry’s godfather, he should have been first. I disagree, and am personally very pleased that Harry is already babbling about his Uncle Moony._

_Please visit soon. It’s not the same without you here, eating all our chocolate. It would cheer James and I up so much, and I know for a fact that Padfoot is desperate to see you. Please, Remus, if not for your sanity then for mine. Think of how delighted baby Harry would be to see his Moony._

_All my love,_

_Lily._

_P.S, Prongs and Padfoot would like me to subtly mention the fact that we’ve an especially large stock of chocolate that will be very sadly neglected should you not come and eat it._

_03/11/81_

_Dear Moony,_

_We’ve won! Of course, you already know this, and we’ve already discussed this, but it really is starting to feel like a victory, isn’t it?_

_Alright, maybe Harry officially cried when Lily tried to take his deer teddy, and only calmed when she gave it back. It’s a win for team Prongs!_

_Obviously, not everything is perfect. I still find myself having outbreaks of uncontrollable rage when I think of Peter. Lily is worried, not just for me, but for Padfoot too. I can’t help being so angry. I’m sure you feel the same. Peter was one of us. He was a Marauder. Not only that, but I grew up with Peter. He’s been to my every birthday and every Christmas and for him to just abandon that for the dark side is something none of us could have predicted._

_I tried to rip down all the photographs last night. Lily stopped me. She didn’t want me to ruin all the good memories I had with you and with Padfoot. Mary, too, and Marlene. Lily is still understandably distraught, but she is better at expressing her emotions than I am. I can’t cry about Marls anymore, because that would be like admitting that although we won, we still lost too much to ever call it a victory._

_Do me a favour, Moony, and kill a few rats on your next full moon just for sport. Maybe, if your lucky, one of them will miraculously be Peter Pettigrew._

_On a better note, it seems as though the Ministry have been successful in rounding up more Death Eaters. Apparently Voldemort’s death has hit them so hard they’re like sitting ducks, although I am sure Bellatrix Lestrange didn’t go to Azkaban with anything less than a fight._

_Can you believe we were in school with her? I find myself forgetting she and Sirius are related, though I’d never count them family._ We _are Padfoot’s family._

_Have you read Wednesdays Daily Prophet? Who did Malfoy think he was fooling, fibbing about being under the imperious curse? Honestly, if the Ministry had any sense at all they’d use veritaserum, but it’s hardly like that was needed in this case. Lily tells me they’ve got a son Harry’s age. I’ll bet ten galleons the ministry took pity on Narcissa and the boy._

_There will be more trials next week. Dumbledore has promised to keep me updated._

_On a much better note, Harry has finally said Padfoot! Or at least, we think that’s what he’s saying. Lily swears she understands him word for word. I smile and nod, and wonder if not understanding a one year old's jibberish makes me a bad father._

_He’s definitely a Quidditch player. He’s addicted to his toy broom, more so than he was when he first got it. It’s driving Lils mental, and so, like the darling husband I am, I encourage him. The broom goes less than two feet above the ground, but he’s already zooming around the living room like there’s no tomorrow. Chances are, his next word will be Quidditch._

_I can see it, years from now. Harry Potter, Gryffindor Quidditch Captain. It has a nice ring to it, does it not? Lily tells me not to assume he’ll be a Gryffindor, although I know she secretly hopes he will. She probably wants him to follow in her footsteps. Imagine that; Harry Potter, Prefect._

_He gets bigger and bigger everyday. Lily and Sirius swear he looks like me. I suppose he does, what with his already messy black hair that Lily keeps trying to tackle with the brush. In my opinion, he looks like Lily. It’s all in the eyes. They’re the same shade of green as Lily’s. We made a beautiful boy, if I do say so myself._

_(Lily is reading this and giggling. Why are you laughing, Lily? I see no lie!)_

_We are, of course, missing you. Hurry up and come visit! Stay, even. Sirius currently occupies our spare room, but I’m sure you could share. If not, Lily and I wouldn’t mind moving Harry out of the nursery for a few nights and having him stay in with us. We have some muggle waterbeds Lily stores in the attic. From what I’ve heard, they’re quite comfy._

_Do come visit. Lily has been writing to Mary, and we’re thinking of having a little gathering. What with the war and hiding, Marlene never got a proper funeral with us all there. We ought to give her a proper goodbye._

_I shit you not, as I write this, Harry is saying your name. Moony, of course, not Remus. Whatever will we do when we have to tell him that you are, in fact, Remus Lupin to the world, and not Uncle Moony? Poor Harry will feel deceived (though I think that if you come and visit right now he’ll forgive you!)._

_Come visit soon,_

_Prongs._

_P.S, Sirius says hi._

_P.P.S, Correction; Sirius says to get your ass to Godrics Hollow right this instant!_

_P. P. P. S, Lily sends her love._

_09/11/81_

_Dear Moony, Lupin, Remus. Whatever you want to be called,_

_Full moon was last night, and I’ve been here a week. We won the war, and I only want to relish in our win with you. Of course, we’re still grieving, but shouldn’t we be grieving together, rather than apart?_

_I miss you, Moony, and as much as I love James and Lily and baby Harry, I wish you were here. The full moon is over and as far as I’m concerned, you have no excuses._

_I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t want to talk about Wormtail. I won’t waste a letter on that bastard. I can blame myself for not knowing a death eater, but you'll only scold me and say something sensible like you always do._

_This week was a little harder. It’s strange. We all have good days and bad days. We’re safe, we’re alive, but are we really going to be happy? There are good moments. Harry, of course, is a delight and a distraction. I never liked children much before, but of course my godson would be the exception. He’s so new to this world, he’s never going to remember there was ever a war anyway._

_The rest of us, however, are not so lucky. For a couple of weeks there, we were all doing good. James and I spend hours playing Quidditch, like we’re still in our school days, but it’s mostly to burn off energy and to let out frustration. We spend time with Harry, who is growing to be more and more like his mum and dad everyday._

_Lily seemed to be smiling more too. Mary came to visit, and Prongs and I thought she was feeling much better. Mary, bless her, did a great job at trying to keep our spirits up. She adores Harry and talks about Marlene the way Marlene would have wanted us to. It felt like we were finally making our peace with things._

_It was just as Lily closed the front door the day Mary left that she cried again. It took James a while to calm her down, and they spent a lot of time at the front door not moving. Remind me, Remus, to get a time turner off Dumbledore next time I see him. I want to go back in time, save Marlene, and kick my younger self for ever saying a bad word about Lily Evans Potter, who is by far one of the strongest people I have ever met._

_It would do us all good for you to come soon, yourself included. You can’t hide the shadow of war forever. You have people who love you. I love you. Please come soon._

_I apologize for the brevity of my letter. I have never been a poet, but I’m sure that if you make your way to Godrics Hollow, I can make it up to you._

_Sincerely,_

_Your Padfoot._

_P.S, in case Lily or James failed to mention, Harry said your name before mine. I will get you back for corrupting my godson._


	2. New Normal

_ 24/11/81 _

_ Dearest Moony, _

_ I know it’s only been a week, but it feels only right to stay in contact. I’m trying this thing where I keep my loved ones close, and that means writing even though you’ve recently spent weeks with us.  _

_ What can I say? Things are never the same without you here, Remus.  _

_ We miss you and we love you, but I must admit that it is nice to be home with my boys. I woke up one morning later than usual, and I half thought that I was dreaming. Harry wasn’t crying, and I entered the kitchen to find James dancing in the kitchen with him in his arms. They were making a mess (James tried cooking pancakes the muggle way) but it made my day. I’m sending a photograph along with this letter. (Harry looks so much like James!) _

_ Of course, I could write pages and pages about Harry, and I probably will. I never knew I could love someone that much. His laugh is beautiful, you’ve said so yourself, and he’s laughing at everything too. When James and I laugh, he laughs. The cat hisses at him, and he laughs. Don’t fret, they’ll be the best of friends in no time. _

_ James went back to work this week. My James, an auror! He loves it; he loves working with Moody and Longbottom and the idea that he is keeping others safe. A part of me still worries. Half of me thinks he’s taking his anger out on the rogue death eaters he catches. Another part of me doesn’t care. They followed the monster who nearly killed my James and my Harry. They killed Marlene. It’s a horrid thing to say, but the aurors can do what they will with anyone who touches my family.  _

_ As much as he loves work, I think he misses Quidditch. What do you say, Moony? Do you reckon Potter here could play for the Chudley Cannons? He’s reading this over my shoulder, laughing and telling me that he could, without question, play for the Chudley Cannons. _

_ I’m still not sure what I want to do. For so long I’ve been dedicated to the Order. I love being a mum and I love being with Harry, but Harry won’t be a baby forever. I’ve no clue what I want to do. McGonagall reached out last week. James reckons she wants me to start teaching. Maybe, once upon a time, I would have leapt at that opportunity. Now, Hogwarts has too many memories. It wouldn’t feel right. Then again, a Ministry job wouldn’t feel right for me either. _

_ I’m not sure I want to be an auror. James and Moody tell me I’d be perfect for the job, but James will tell me anything to fuel my ego and Moody is still in shock from that hex I cast on Padfoot that one time. Speaking of, how is Sirius? The house is quiet without him here, but if you dare mention I miss him, I’ll send you a howler of Harry crying when he gets fussy.  _

_ Harry. Harry. Harry. He’s getting so big. He’s started crawling too. He just wants to move all the time. So much energy for such a little person. Mary sent over a box of onesies. There’s a lion one, with the hood and everything. He could be a Gryffindor team mascot. James took a photo of us, I’ll send it with this letter.  _

_ I want to tell you that things are getting back to normal, but have we ever known normality? Maybe James and Sirius knew it at one point, but you and I have only known the wizarding world as it was at war. Maybe this is our happy ending, or maybe it’s simply the new normal. With James and Harry in the other room, and you and Padfoot a floo journey away, I’m certain I could get used to this new normal. _

_ I know you and Padfoot were here barely days ago, but you are welcome to visit anytime. Maybe you and Sirius could come for dinner Friday? It’s national Jukebox day, we ought to celebrate.  _

_ I’m sure James will write to you later this week, but this is bye for now.  _

_ Sending love to you and Padfoot, _

_ Lily.  _

_ Dear Moony, lover boy, Missus Padfoot, _

_ I’m sure Lily has already invited you over for dinner Friday. I have no clue what national Jukebox day is. If I’m honest, I think Lily just wants to celebrate all the little things and use any excuse to have people to the house. I can’t complain. Frankly, I’m surprised I didn’t think of it first. _

_ How is work going? I hope it’s not too boring. I’m having a blast. A dangerous blast, full of hard work and lots of horrible death eaters, but we’re locking them up and that’s what’s important. Moody tells me not to enjoy it too much; in a few days, we’ll have most of them locked up in Azkaban and will be sent back to desk duty. I don’t think I’ll mind, as long as I get to come home to Harry and Lily every night. _

_ Don’t mention the desk duty to Padfoot. Tell him he ought to join me here at the Ministry, to see the world outside of his inheritance.  _

_ McGonagall wants Lily to teach, but she doesn’t seem too bothered about it. I can see why. Hogwarts has too many ghosts, and I’m not talking about Nearly Headless Nick. Did you hear the rumours about Snape stepping in for Slughorn as soon as he retires? I feel pity for those poor students. Imagine having Snivellus as a teacher.  _

_ Go on, chide me for being spiteful. I don’t care. If you heard what Dumbledore told me about dear old Snivellus and his deal with the Dark Lord, you would agree with me. I won’t repeat it. I love my wife and I’ll tell her anything, but I don’t think she’d want to know about this. _

_ For now, Lily seems happy enough to stay home with Harry. I think, when he’s older, she’ll want to do something more. With her NEWT marks and pure brilliance, our Evans here could do anything.  _

_ If you repeat any of this to Padfoot, I will personally hex you so that you go bald. Permanently. _

_ It’s still strange without Wormtail. I can’t tell you if I don’t care that he’s gone, or if it’s just my blinding anger. I want him locked up in Azkaban. He can sell our secrets to the dementors and see where it gets him.  _

_ I’ll leave this letter here. Lily is napping. Harry, ever the angel, kept us up all night and is now crying again. I’ll let her sleep.  _

_ Don’t be late for dinner Friday,  _

_ Prongs.  _

_ Mr Lupin, _

_ Your order has been placed, and should arrive at 12 Grimmauld Place within the next 1 - 2 days.  _

_ Thanks for Shopping, _

_ Honeydukes, Hogsmeade. _


	3. Guilty

_ 30/11/81 _

_ Mr R. Lupin, _

_ The trial for Mr Peter Pettigrew, a supposed follower of You Know Who who has been accused of selling the secrets of James and Lily Potter and following He Who Must Not Be Named will take place this Thursday, on the third of December 1881. It is our understanding that you may wish to attend, though you are by no means obligated to do so. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Ministry Of Magic. _

_ 01/12/81 _

_ Dearest Moony, _

_ It’s officially Christmas! I’m not sure what you’ve grown up doing, but I’ve always thought Christmas began on December first. James doesn’t mind me putting up decorations early. Wizards aren’t half as bothered about the whole deck the halls thing, but I’m determined to get everyone in the Holiday spirit.  _

_ The Muggles say that Christmas brings people together, and so I’ve decided that I’m finally going to ask Petunia over for tea. We’ve spoke on the phone once since Halloween. She wasn’t exactly delighted that I called, but I think it would do us both the world of good to make amends. Of course, I doubt it will be easy. James hasn’t exactly made the best impression on Vernon, and my heart did break when my sister refused to come to our wedding, but maybe we’ll finally be able to put that all in the past.  _

_ Of course, I haven’t told Petunia about our almost encounter with the Dark Lord. I don’t want her to think I’m only reaching out because I nearly died. James thinks I’m mental. I think, maybe, if he were in my shoes he’d understand.  _

_ She’s coming this Saturday. I thought maybe I’d better ask both she and Vernon to come for dinner, but I think it might be best if it’s just she and I. Although, I did say she could bring Dudley. Dudley is Petunia’s baby, and he’s just a little older than Harry. Who knows? Maybe they could grow up as friends.  _

_ Speaking of broken relationships, Severus Snape tried to contact us last week. He tried to apologise. I’m not sure I believe him when he says he was on our side in the end. I need to speak to Dumbledore.  _

_ I must confess, I think I’m spiralling. Just a little bit. Everything is still so overwhelming. I still can’t believe that just over a month ago we were about to be killed. At first, I couldn’t think of what would have happened, but now my imagination has become braver. I catch myself going further and further, until I’m trembling and I can’t stop.  _

_ I know it’s silly. I know we’re okay. I also know that I’m going out of my way to distract myself.  _

_ I’m trying to fix my relationship with Petunia and mother Harry and decorate the house. I think I want to get a job, instead of losing myself in silly things. Not that Harry is silly. Harry is a darling. A darling that keeps us awake some nights, but an angel all the same.  _

_ Maybe I’ll use him as my bait when Petunia comes over. After all, who could resist him? _

_ I suppose I should touch on the elephant in the room. I’m assuming you received that god awful letter from the ministry too? I’m not sure about James, but I’m not going. I’ll never forgive Peter, but I’ll never voluntarily watch him be thrown into Azkaban. I like being able to sleep at night. _

_ I’m ranting about myself. How are you? How is Padfoot? You mentioned, last dinner, that you and Sirius were looking for a home that isn’t 12 Grimmauld Place. How is that going? I’m sure you’ll both find somewhere you love (that isn’t too far away from us!). _

_ Harry is crawling more and more everyday. You know, if we were muggles, it would be a nightmare trying to decorate the place, but I’ve managed to find a baby proofing charm of sorts that helps keep the decorations out of Harry’s way.  _

_ He’s so fast. I think James and I spend half our time running after him. We can’t take our eyes off him. Of course, Potter here marvels at his speed. However will I cope, having two athletes in the house? _

_ I promise I’ll be a supportive Quidditch mum, but you still have to come to every game to make sure I understand what’s going on. Once again, James is reading my letter over my shoulder and telling me that you know as much about Quidditch as I. Ah, Moony, what are we like? We’re both in love with Quidditch players and clueless. Wherever did we go wrong? _

_ I’m sure this month will be busy for all of us, but I should tell you now that you and Padfoot are welcome to come over for Christmas dinner. It will be lovely, with the five of us! Well, there might be one extra guest, but that’s a surprise that will only be revealed if you and Sirius make your way to Godrics Hollow for Christmas... _

_ Love, _

_ Lily. _

  


_ 02/12/81 _

_ Dear Remus, _

_ Are you going to Peters trial? I don’t think I will. Are we still on for lunch Saturday? _

_ Love,  _

_ Mary.  _

_ 02/12/81 _

_ To Moony, _

_ I think Lily has lost the plot.  _

_ Our whole house is full of all these muggle Christmas decorations. You know what my parents were like; they were as festive as any, but what’s with the little red man Lily has beside our fireplace? Why are all Harry’s presents from said little red man? I bought those! _

_ As much as I wish it was, Lily’s newest muggle madness episode is not why I am writing this letter. Are you going to Peter’s trial? Lily won’t talk about it. I understand. He betrayed us. We’re angry. We have every reason not to show our faces. _

_ Still, I think I’ll go. Even if I end up leaving halfway through, I want to hear him out. I want to hear him try and make excuses for what he’s done, and I want to leave knowing that locking him up in Azkaban is the right thing to do.  _

_ I won’t force you or Padfoot to do anything. I know Mary isn’t going. She called over for a cuppa yesterday. I think that may be just as well. I think you, Sirius and I should go. Just Marauders. I don’t know. I won’t force you, but it’s just an idea.  _

_ I wish I could tell you desk duty is fun, but my mother taught me better than to lie. I suppose there is a little excitement in reading reports, usually because the cursed and hexes used are listen. Filing reports on the other hand is incredibly dull. Lily laughed at me when I came home sulking. She tells me this is what a real job is like. _

_ The Chudley Cannons have offered me a spot as Chaser. Of course, fighting evil wizards is fun and everything, but now there are no evil wizards to fight. On the other hand, playing Quidditch everyday sounds like a dream.  _

_ Plus, it would be nice to set an example for Harry. It’ll show him it’s good to have goals. (Lily has corrected me. Apparently, telling my son that it’s okay to spend his school years pranking and playing Quidditch is not a state of the art example. I suppose she wants him to be a Prefect!) _

_ I am a little bit scared about telling Moody I’ll have to hold off on being an auror for a few years. I don’t think Moody is even a Cannons supporter! _

_ Despite the darker undertones of this letter, I hope it wasn’t too dreary. Tell Padfoot that his letter is coming in the form of me via floo powder tomorrow. Your place, five o’clock.  _

_ Wishes, _

_ Your soon to be  favorite Quidditch player, _

_ Prongs.  _


End file.
